Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Celibacy Is Not As Bad As It Seems
It's been forever and a day since I've posted on this blog. And I sincerely apologize to all my followers, all 2 of you :-), who've been waiting for something new from me. Well you may be a little surprised by some of the things going on with me, but to tell you the truth, the more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm still single. Some days that's great and other days it's boring as hell. Today is one of the latter. But at least I get to talk to you guys and fill you in on what's been happening with me for the past year or so. Wow, it's really been that long since I've posted on this blog and that's really sad. Especially since I've continued to hear from people who've read my posts and either appreciate, relate, hate, disagree with, or have just been confused about my experiences and the different situations I've found myself in.
So what have I been doing?? Well I started working on me. Started eating right and working out and becoming really focused on my health. It's been a long journey. Gaining weight is so much fun; the ice cream, the fried chicken, the doughnuts, the cake and brownies, all the good things in life. But losing weight? Not much fun at all. Working out is hard and painful. Eating healthy is hard and expensive and completely changes how you approach food. Thankfully I made it through and I'm all the more healthier, leaner, and slimmer because of it.
And being focused on a goal turned out to be surprisingly good for me. I completely dedicated myself to becoming this new person, someone who could (eventually) eat whatever she wanted, wear anything she liked, and feel complete and self-confident because she was. Everything took a back seat on this journey to the new me. Work was just another routine, and sex, sex was pushed completely to the back of my mind. I wasn't interested in it as much as I had been before. Which is crazy since I'm 30 years old and seem to be in a heightened state of arousal most days. I guess I must have turned that switch off for a little while. I wasn't even masturbating that much, and just between you and I, I absolutely love to play with myself.
Now this is not the first time in my life that I've been celibate. But this is the first time I was celibate and not eating everything in sight. A normal celibacy period ends with me gaining at least 20-25lbs, this time I lost over 70lbs. So obviously it was a good change of pace. Not having sex allowed me to focus on me so much more. It was a good time. I was happier, spent more time with friends having fun, there was no drama, no awkward conversations with guys that I didn't want to see anymore, no chasing after guys who I wanted to see but who were too busy to give me the time of day, no dealing with unsatisfactory sex, or having great sex that was completely meaningless and ultimately forgettable.
For all those who've never been celibate, I suggest giving it a try. It gives you a chance to learn more about yourself. What makes you happy, what qualities you're looking for in a relationship (if that's what you're looking for), what qualities you're looking for in the next person you invite in your bed, and more importantly what can you give to the next person you're involved with.
I'm not trying to be spiritual or tell you guys that sex is not enjoyable or necessary because in my opinion it is. Taking a break from it once you've had it can be difficult but it's also an eye-opening experience. And how many of those can we truly self impose? Sex is one of the best things in life to be completely honest. So is chocolate. Can you imagine how good a piece of chocolate is after you haven't had it for months? Absolutely delicious!
So of course, my celibacy has ended. The chastity belt is off. Now what took it off or better yet, who took it off, that's for another time!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
This weekend has shown me that I may be single for a little bit longer than I thought. The plan was to go out to dinner and to the movies with this guy that I've been seeing for a couple of months. Because of our busy schedules we hadn't been able to get together in some time, so I was looking forward to this date. Unfortunately, my cycle decided to start earlier that day and I wanted to give him the heads up on the situation because I knew he wanted to have sex after we came back from the movies (we've had sex already). Now, let me say that most men, if they are truly interested in you will want to spend time and take you out regardless if you have your period or not. If only for the simple fact that they'll rack up some points to get in there once the monthly visitor has made its exit. But not him. We met at my place but instead of going out, he wanted to just chill in the house. I'm like what? Oh, you don't want to spend any money because you're not getting any pussy tonight, huh?!
We sat around talking for a couple of hours. He didn't want to drink, he didn't want anything to eat. I wound up going to my neighborhood pizza shop for a slice, since it was obvious that he wasn't taking me out to eat or to the movies. We came back to my house and he stayed for another 15 minutes and then left.
I was so disappointed with how the date, if I can even call it that, went. As a woman, whenever you're faced with the realization that a man will only spend money with you if he's are guaranteed something in return, you kind of sike yourself out that you won't be surprised. But you're or at least I'm surprised every time. Although I must say it doesn't happen to me often.
After he left, I thought about him all night. I went over the conversation we had, our previous encounters, the things we had in common, the things we didn't, if I was attracted to him, what he had to offer, what he didn't and I realized that no matter how much I wanted to forgive him for his indisputable dating faux pass, I couldn't. Truth is, even though he's educated, on his way to obtaining a Ph.D, single with no children, lives on his own, is mildly attractive, tall, and kind of charming, he's not the one for me.
So while I wait for mother nature to run her course, I'll be like the woman in the picture...taking care of business myself. After, I'll be back on the prowl for Mr. Right.
Wish me luck!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
I find myself caught between a rock and a hard place. I've been seeing this really wonderful guy recently. He's educated, intelligent, single, childless, tall, and handsome. We have such a good time together. He's funny and open about his beliefs, opinions, and expectations--especially in relationships. And I appreciate that. The only problem, and of course there's always a problem, he's not that good in bed.
Just the thought saddens me. Why do I have to find this great guy who can't satisfy me in bed?!! Damn! I had hoped he would be the one to help me move on from my ex boyfriend, who is fantastic in bed. He's so good that's I find it impossible to stop seeing him. The way he feels, how he moves, he's long and strong, and his stroke is just amazing!! Oh god! Thinking about him gets me so excited. But guess what? He's an asshole, of course. He knows how good he is. He knows that he's the best I've ever had and because he's set the bar so high I feel like no one will be able to surpass him.
Damn you! Damn you!
I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Ever since I stopped dealing with the man that caused me to start this blog, I've been in relationship limbo. There have been men in my life, but I wouldn't call any of those...connections..relationships. Mostly they've been physical and sexual partnerships that fade away once I get bored or feel like I'm not getting the attention that I want. Recently I stopped seeing this guy who lived out of town. He made me realize that the long distance thing is not for me. I tried dating someone foreign (Muslim to be exact) and I think I was attracted to how much he was attracted to me. The sex was horrible. He was like a man-boy. He made me realize that bunny sex is not for me. I also have an ex-boyfriend who keeps coming back into my life. The main reason is because our sexual chemistry is sooo amazing. He's so good in bed, he should write a book. I mean damn! But he's taught me that the booty call thing is not for me either. It's fantastic but then there's nothing else.
So, I know you're asking: What the hell is for you? Well I think I know. I just got home from a great first date, with an educated, single, handsome, funny, and seemingly great guy. He has all the qualities I'm looking for. Here's to having some fun. Looks like me year is already on track.
P.S. I'm still keeping my options open cause you just never know. Besides my status still remains: SINGLE! And boy am I ready to mingle, get tingles, and eat pringles! Just kidding! Haha.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
2010 is all about Happiness! For so long I've been down in the dumps because of my poor relationship choices with men, my weight, my finances, and whatever else you can think be unsatisfied with. Well no more. I'm over being bored and feeling lonely. It's the start of a new decade and also a new me.
So what does that entail, you might ask? Well, I've put together a little list of things I'll be focusing on. These are not resolutions. They have no time frame. In fact, I don't want to ever stop accomplishing the goals listed here. I believe if I can get these simple rules down, then I'll always be happy and that's my ultimate goal.
- Enjoy Life!
- Be Good To Yourself!
- Have Sex As Much As Possible!
- Drink and Be Merry!
- Save Whenever You Can For The Future!
- Keep An Open Mind!
- Stay True to Yourself!
Saturday, September 29, 2007
It's been more than a year since I've posted on this blog. The delay was due to many things, most importantly, since it pertains directly to this website, was the demise of the tumultusous relationship I was having with another woman's man.
I must acknowledge the many responses I've received to such a provocative confession. When I started this blog I honestly believed no one would read it. In my mind this blog was going to be my little secret. A place I could go and let it all out on, spill all the beans with a no holds barred attitude. Unfortunately that bubble burst pretty quickly. So instead of taking down the blog and just starting over, I left it up. Partly because I'm one those people who start things and never finish them, but also because I wanted to see how people would respond. While I've never sought a wide audience I knew that random people would find my blog and that was enough for me. Lo and behold I've gotten more responses than I ever imagined. Surprisingly, a lot of women seem to find themselves in the same situation I was in. Being the second woman in any relationship is so hard and finding out that other people have experienced the difficult choice of staying in a relationship because of love or leaving to maintain your sanity, self-esteem, self-worth, and dignity was a comfort to me.
However I think it's also important to say to all those women out there who are playing second fiddle in a relationship that is bound to go nowhere, it's time to get up the courage to move on. Dump his ass as soon as possible! Save yourself girl! The picture above is the truth: trust yourself: you know when you are no longer happy, when something is not right for you, when a relationship that you thought you could control has gotten out of control and you need to get out. You know yourself and you know when you've had enough. Move on and move up. Even if it means being by yourself.
Taking time to learn more about yourself is so important. Becoming mentally stronger will help you avoid getting into such a negative situation in the future.
Keep your head up sisters..of all colors.